Preamble

I’ve done enough data protection training to understand when it is and isn’t applicable. Moreover, I’m generally supportive of data protection and privacy legislation, and here in the UK I don’t think it goes far enough.

So it’s frustrating when lazy customer service staff reflexively parrot “data protection rules say no” even when (a) I’m logging a complaint, and (b) I’m not seeking information about my account.

In the hope that publishing something on the internet will focus the great minds at DPD Local, I submit the following. I ordered something from a UK supplier on a Saturday, and received an email on the Sunday to say that it would be with me on the Monday (the emails are dressed up to look as if they have been sent by the supplier, but some trivial technical sniffing indicates they are sent by DPD systems).

Now, I knew that I was going to be out on the Monday, so I used the DPD scheduling tool to ask for my package to be delivered on the Tuesday instead. This was acknowledged by another DPD email, sent at Sun 10th Oct 10:37.

On Mon 17:48 I received an email to say that delivery agent Manjinder would deliver the parcel in a Monday 17:10-‍18:10 window, which is now the wrong day.

On Mon 17:49 (one minute later after the prior notification) I received a new email to say “Your parcel has been delivered to your neighbour”. I recovered the parcel fine, but of course something went wrong.

Bug reporting challenge

So, when a software engineer finds a bug in The Real World, what do they do? They find a bug tracker, of course. But the challenge when a big corporation is involved is finding the person who cares about the bug and is sufficiently competent and empowered to trace the issue.

I did get my parcel, of course, but the issue isn’t really about the parcel any more. It’s about encouraging people to care about their software (and encouraging faceless corporations to care about their customers). A fool’s errand, you say? Well, read on.

My first challenge was that the customer contact form DPD have set up doesn’t work very well (I used Firefox in anonymous browsing mode – which I think broke Google Analytics). Not a great start – and as it turned out, DPD received an email, but the message itself failed to reach them. Priyanka said:

I am sorry as we have received your query blank due to some technical glitch in our system.

Can you please share your complete delivery address along with the postcode to clear our security check so we can help you further. Also, please write back to us with your query.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

OK, no problem! At least I now have an email address I can use.  Luckily I had saved a copy of the bug report, so I could just paste it into my reply:

Yes, there seemed to be a hiccup in the form system – I can send a bug report separately if this email reaches you. I’d be grateful if you would let me know you have received it. It is entirely for DPD’s benefit anyway. 🙂

My postal address is {address}. The message I sent via the form is pasted below. I have also sent it to your customer ({supplier}) so they know there is an issue with replanning deliveries. They will hopefully raise it with their DPD account manager.

{signature}

— Pasted message starts —

Hi folks

Something went wrong with a delivery and I’ll like to tell you about it, so you can find out what went wrong. Please consider this message a good-natured and helpful complaint.

The emails noted below are marked as being from my (petfood) supplier, but are in fact sent automatically from DPD systems.

On Sun 10th Oct 07:05 I received an email to say that goods were going to be delivered via DPD Local on the Monday. I knew I was going to be out on the Monday, so I used the DPD tracking link to re-plan the delivery.

So on Sun 10th Oct 10:37 I received an email to say that the new delivery time would be on Tuesday 12th Oct. A new DPD Local tracking link was provided.

On Mon 17:48 I received an email to say that delivery agent Manjinder would deliver the parcel in a Monday 17:10-‍18:10 window, which is now the wrong day.

On Mon 17:49 (one minute later after the prior notification) I received a new email to say “Your parcel has been delivered to your neighbour”. I recovered the parcel fine, but of course something went wrong.

Could you look into what happened? Let me know if you like, but more important might be an analysis to see why the replanning failed – if it failed for me then it may be failing for your other customers.

— Pasted message ends —

Helpful, right?

Ah, not so fast. Unfortunately, Obed wants to show me why farming out your customer services function to an offshore office may not have been your best business decision:

Thank you for writing back. I am sorry there was a bug in the initial email form. We have now received your email. I am sorry, your parcel was not delivered as requested and there was an issue with it. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

I am sorry, but we are unable to clear the security check as the address you have confirmed with us does not match our records. In this case, I would suggest you to contact the sender of your parcel to check which address they had updated with delivery and would also suggest you to get it updated on your records for future deliveries.

Righto. Apparently I don’t know my own address, and I should get it from someone else in order to “update my own records”. What?

I can’t tell whether I am dealing with a grade-A idiot, or someone just doesn’t want to do any work. Can they really not find another way to acknowledge my query helpfully? Are they of the view that I am seeking information about my account, even if I am obviously merely wanting to report a problem?

I decide that a straightforward reply is best:

You are being deliberately unhelpful. I can take time out of my busy day tomorrow to give your customer service line a call, and I expect they would treat me with courtesy and respect. But why would I help DPD if you won’t help me? I am not writing to you because it is fun to do so – I am wanting to help DPD trace a fault with their technical systems.

If you believe that the address I have given you in wrong then your records are wrong.

I suggest you send my email to your technical team, and then let me know that you have done so. With a little perseverance you will be able to find someone competent who can trace why a replanning was accepted and then ignored.

Unfortunately it turns out that I am dealing with a farm of offshore staff – and thus I get a third person to give me the same stubborn waffle. Thanks, Rohini:

I am sorry that you are disappointed. But this is the standard process and As per the Data Protection Act, we can not share the details without verifying an account.

Please get in touch with your sender they will assist you further.

Next steps

My readers may think I am daft – aren’t telephone menus and offshore telephone staff merely growling visitations from Hades that we have to shrug off on a weekly basis? Well, maybe, but I doubt the glossy brochures from DPD are inclined to acknowledge it.

I’ll ping my supplier a note, and see if I can get a telephone call with their account manager. Hold fire, readers – account managers are committed problem solvers – they’ll know where the bug tracker is. Watch this space!